This post is a combination of sentiments shared by friends, various media, men's advice mags as well as my own reflections. This is not representative of all that guys could say, and indeed some of the viewpoints here some guys would say are rubbish. However, I think despite that, these ideas are fairly accurate of what thoughtful guys in Western culture would like to say to their female friends, but find it hard to say.
1. We wish girls in general wouldn't feel the need to wear heaps of make-up--you look beautiful already!
2. Guys don't get girls. Everyone knows this haha. Often guys don't have a clue and need to talk to a friend to figure out what's happening. When girls expect guys to do things without them spelling it out, for guys, often this is like expecting them to be telepathists . Please be willing to explain exactly what you're thinking or what you want us to do.
3. Be hopeful in a realistic way about guys. Guys fail. Regularly. So don't be surprised. But at the same time encourage them to keep trying, keep improving. Help them grow up rather than ridiculing them and accusing them of acting like a kid. Compliment them occasionally on a job well done.
4. A lot of guys don’t really care about fashion. Mrbonchapeau personally thinks fashion is mostly about competition between women. (Mind you, he doesn't mind buying a good hat every so often!) We'd rather that you were just comfortable with the way you are. Sure, wear nice clothes, but don't feel an unstoppable urge to buy the latest $400 shoes. Hint: it's amazing what you can find in second-hand shops...
5. Don't go for 'hot' guys with little substance. Go for guys that talk to you even on bad hair days and are good friends. Hollywood's got it all mixed up.
6. Mr. Right is a myth. All of us are imperfect, broken. No guy can be the solution to girl's problems. Pop culture is just so at odds with this reality. But it's worth continuing to ask the question, 'who/what can fix my problems?' In Mrbonchapeau's opinion, there's only one person who is perfect who can truly 'complete' us. Click here.
7. Guys are emotional. Surprised? Sometimes guys express their anger, grief or frustration in briefer bursts and in more private places. Granted, some guys have no idea how to express their emotions eloquently. Some guys are more chilled out than others. But don’t be surprised, shocked or laugh when guys express grief in public. It takes courage to do it, due to the heavy stereotypes placed on guys in our small-minded Western society.
8. Guys are visual. If you wear mini-shorts, transparent or tight clothes, show cleavage or bare midriffs you're gonna get looked up and down. This is totally not excusing guys from lusting on you. But if you know that it's a problem for guys and you keep dressing like Rhianna (who releases Album hits like 'Good girls gone bad' or 'Rated R')…what are you saying about yourself? Bring on midi-skirts, multi-layering and sunsmart bathers!
9. Guys really dig girls who have character. Have you ever noticed how degradingly some guys talk about 'loose' or 'easy' girls? Now I can't stand it when guys talk like this, but it does suggest that guys--even promiscuous ones-- value girls who are hard to get. Women who guard their beauty, who speak well of others, kind and gracious, not proud. Although these ladies may not be in the popular club, they know they don't need to be. Girls in the popular club are keeping up appearances and often are actually desperately empty and hungrily yearning for approval.
10. Talk to us. Quite a few guys think the idea that 'if a girl talks to a guy she must want to go out with him' is nonsense. Sadily, pop culture says otherwise. The consequence: our friendships have unnecessary pressure to act in a certain way. Guys really value ladies they can just talk to.
So, that's what I and some of my friends think.
If you're a gent, what do you wish ladies knew?
If you're a lady, what do you wish gents knew?