Let's talk honest about porn. GUYS ONLY || M 15

Ok guys. Let's talk honest about porn. Have you ever deliberately watched a raunchy Rage video or done a google search for sexually explicit pics/vids? Uh huh. Ok, you're the guys this post is for. But even if you haven't done that, have you ever looked a chick lustfully? UH HUH. O-kaaayy. That's about all of us now, even pastors. 'Grats if you didn't make the grade. You're unique. Cos' sadly, us guys have an epic problem, don't we? We know we do, we just don't like admitting it. Whether the guilt has worn off or not, we don't always look at women with respect and dignity. For the rest of this post, I'm going to be writing for Christian guys struggling with lust, but if you're not a Christian, you're welcome to listen in too.

Jesus is serious about this, are you?

Stop it. Cut it out of your life. It’s just that serious. You gotta get rid of it, man.
Check out Jesus' words in Matthew 5:27-30:

 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.  (NIV)

So... Jesus is pretty serious about lust then, hey? You'd better believe it. And he asks, no, demands in the above verse that anyone who follows him to get rid of lust. Whether it's looking at porn or perving on women, lust is lust. Jesus knows that lust is a distortion of proper sexual desire. Lust saps our energy from living for Jesus as King, and is fundamentally selfish and wrong. I don’t know about you, but this makes me feel like a failure and I really need help. Actually, that’s exactly the point. We all fail to love people as God would have us and instead are filled with hate, bitterness and/or lust throughout our lives. So can we get rid of it then? It goes deeper than just what we read and what videos we watch. We need a change of heart. And God’s the only heart surgeon for the job.

Heart surgeon, Ship's Captain 
& A Foundation

We NEED a change of heart. We have got to want to stop it. Dr Phil ain't gonna help you get rid of your sex addiction. We need to have Jesus as ruler of our lives, not us. We need to ask him to take the captain's seat--only then will we say 'No.' Jesus has promised to send us his Holy Spirit who is our helper. The Holy Spirit enables us to say 'No' when we don't have the internal resources to do it ourselves. We need to be reminded of the love God has for us so we don’t feel alone and condemned when we are tempted to click on a porn video on Youtube. We can fight it, because God reminds us that we are not alone—he will help us if we ask! God provides a way of escape from temptation in the actual circumstance. You can never say ‘I just ‘had to do it’ if you are a Christian. It’s always a choice. When I lust, I choose to not claim the victory that Jesus has already won over hate and lust.  And of course, we have God's word the Bible which revolutionises our thinking, replacing the trashy thoughts with valuable, constructive, healthy thoughts. It seems like there is quite a foundation to build before you can be equipped to fight lust. True that.

Practical Steps in turning from 
Lust to Love

Ok, so those are the principles, but what are some practical steps you can take to cut out lust from your life? Speaking from personal experience now, I've found that the most helpful thing I did was tell another godly guy about it. So, if you lust, tell a mate who's gonna regularly keep you accountable about it, challenging you to cut it out of your life. It’s not enough just to talk about the problem. You need to challenge each other to change, because that’s the best way to live and good for us and others. It’s vital it’s not just a pep talk, but it’s embedded in the reality that God forgives every sexual sin that you’ve committed and ever will commit. God loves you just the same.  And God provides everything we need to make that change. Why not pray to God with your mate about the things you talk about? Prayer works! God does amazing things when we ask.  Thanks to God and guys who follow Jesus, I do not look at porn any more. Thanks to God and guys who follow Jesus, I am cutting lust out of my life. But it's a constant, daily battle. It won’t just disappear from your life.  If you haven't talked about your issues with a guy who takes Jesus seriously, but would like to talk to me about it, why not email me at: mr.bonchapeau@gmail.com ?

If that's too weird, maybe check out XXXChurch, where you can do it anonymously. Ultimately, having  the 'serious talk' face-to-face talk is best, even though it's the hardest. Another crucial thing that I did to battle lust was to memorise Bible verses. Job 30:1 and 2 Corinthians 10:5. It's vital that you can whip out the verse when temptation comes, 'I've made a covenant' or 'take captive every thought'.  Nice and simple. You need to be ready for it, cos you can't argue with lust. It will just punch you in the face. None of this is a formula, but it does help with the fixing up our thoughts. In the long run, it will transform our behavior cos the Bible is powerful stuff.

Some Closing Remarks

28/12/10 Edit. I just realised I was in danger of focusing overly on the topic of lust and not so much on the positive attributes that we can develop as guys transformed by God. We aren't merely anti-porn as Christians as 'Chasers War on Everything' portrays us. We are totally for developing love and concern for women. Maybe this would be a good future topic to blog about in more detail. Please also note that this post is in the context of my previous post on porn.   

 Peace out brothers. And remember, 'we are more than conquerors through him who loved us (Jesus)' Romans8:37 (NIV). When things are hard and you feel like giving up, remember Jesus has already defeated sin and death. Jesus has already defeated the power of lust and given us the capacity to develop unselfish love for others. So, claim that victory!


windsurfer-sp said...

Hey Mark,

Good to see another brother being real and out there with Porn.

You make a lot of good points here on how/why we should get rid of porn from our lives.

My advice for Christian guys who are struggling with porn:
-Talk to someone about it face to face. The person has to be Male and should hopefully be a mature Christian. This won't solve it all together, but it is important.

-Do not give up. These habits can build up over years and will not go away over night. You will more then likely screw up at some point. Keep your eyes on Him and it will not be the end of the world :)

-Finally, don't let porn stop you from serving God.


Mrbonchapeau said...


The last point is a very relevant contribution to the discussion. It's so easy to think you're a 'lesser christian' if you are addicted to porn--which is an utter lie--and so avoid getting involved in church. We're all needy of being rescued. Sure, some christians are further along the path to reflecting the forgiveness and restoration that have in God, but they are not 'better' or 'more christian'.

Guys, some questions to discuss/reflect on.

What is a practical step you could take to help a fellow christian mate fight the sin 'that so easily ensnares us' (quoting Hebrews 12:1) ?

What are some practical things that christian guys can do for women around them which are consistent with God's love? A more topical way of asking that is 'what can we practically do that is anti-porn and pro-God for women in our lives?'

Mrbonchapeau said...

For the 2nd question, some examples could be simply not laughing at sex jokes. But that's in the negative. In the positive, you could help a girl carry stuff or open a door for her. Comments?

Anonymous said...

I would recommend you proof your copy before publishing advice to people about such personal things.

Also, being a gentleman should stem from courteousness, not from an attempt to do something "anti-porn". Holding a door for a woman as an "anti-porn" gesture is in a sense, in this context, selfish because it turns women into objects of a battle against objectifying women (which is the part of the problem you seem to be addressing in that question about porn and the lust it reflects/represents).

Mrbonchapeau said...

Hi, thanks for that comment--it was useful feedback.

Please note how I tried to clarify who the post was for:

" I'm going to be writing for Christian guys struggling with lust, but if you're not a Christian, you're welcome to listen in too."

A Christian is fundamentally a person who is being challenged about very personal issues as they try to become and concurrently get changed by God to become more like Jesus.

Your comments on 'anti-porn' were spot on.
I agree it's not valuable to be merely 'anti-porn' you gotta be *for* something! What I was trying to say is that if Christian guys are truly seeking to love women in an unselfish way, like Jesus did, then what are the implications? What are some ways which are 'inconsistent with the ideology of porn' and at the same time 'consistent with how God sees humanity'?

Keep the comments coming :P

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