'It's Just Porn, Mom.' by Trucks




Just Porn


In 2003, a Brit/Norwegian pop punk band called 'Trucks' released their most popular single titled 'It's Just Porn, Mom', reaching the Top 5 hit in Norway. In this post, I argue that it's not ‘just porn’, that it's a poor substitute for real, caring relationships. I argue that porn affects our thinking negatively,
It is a warped version of reality and, finally, I suggest an alternative reality. In the following post, I suggest some practical steps specifically for Christian guys who are serious in developing a healthy view of sex, relationships and valuing women in their life. 


Show Me the Numbers


Porn is proliferate. Download this into your brain: the average age that a child first views porn online is 11. Further,  13% of women (20% guys) admit to watching porn while at the office. Every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. Every second 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography. Oh, and better give France a mention: it has 5 dedicated national TV channels to porn, releasing over 100 vids/month. So, porn is booming. But is it really the sexual liberation that the 60’s hoped for? Is it really a healthy, good expression of our ‘freedom of speech’?

Porn lies.


Porn warps our understanding of sex, relationships and human value. Hugh Hefner, the owner of the Playboy, epitomised this in a recent statement:  'The notion that 'Playboy' turns women into sex objects is ridiculous. Women are sex objects.' We know innately that women are deserving of more than this. Porn negatively affects men, women and children. Porn tells men that women are ready for the 'taking' rather than sought after with respect, and that women are cheap, disposable sex objects there for men's pleasure, rather than to be protected, cared for, and respected as equals. Porn tells women they have to be 'sexy' in society to be accepted, and sought after. Women are told to 'put out' to get respect. Also, porn affects people in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, in how 'far' they're willing to push the 'boundaries', and this is selfishly motivated.  A person may view porn and never actually enact what they see, but the way they look at people gives them away about their attitude. A common sentiment is 'What can I get out of this relationship?' Surely healthy, proper relationships are better than this? Of course, a person doesn't need to look at porn to believe and live this false version of reality, but it sure contributes to it. 


An Alternative Reality to Porn


So if porn presents a false version of reality, what’s true reality then? I believe that the Bible provides it. Why do I say this? Because if the Bible is the message of God the creator to us, then it reflects his blueprint for how relationships and sex were designed. It’s worth saying that God isn’t anti-sex, after all, he made it! He designed us as sexual beings! Ok, so logically, God gave us sex drives—the key question here is then what to do with it? This is where the Bible speaks out in contrast to porn: the human sex drive  is properly expressed in committed, loving relationship between 1 man and 1 woman. Commitment. Unity. Prioritizing one’s spouse over self. This is in stark contrast to porn’s ‘voice’. Porn says ‘Sex is all about me’. Porn says to put yourself number one. But the Bible presents a much more difficult, but ultimately better alternative: be concerned about the other more than myself. This raises at least 2 questions in my mind. How can you know it’s better? And how on earth can I treat others with a higher priority than myself— that just sounds idealistic, ludicrous?


It's A Better Reality


First, how can you know it’s better? Well, in one sense, you could take a look around you. Broken relationships because of unfaithfulness and unforgiveness. Sexually abused victims experiencing deep emotional pain. Selfishness in relationships causing bitterness and resentment to build. Women in the porn industry suffering in a multitude of ways, as Shelley Lubben personally attests. All this is not good, right? Intrinsically we are relational beings—like God is— and it pains us to be individualistic, ultimately. By living the way we were hardwired, as community and others-centred, we live purposeful, meaningful lives. All this sounds nice and ideal, but is it actually achievable? Whether you look at porn or not, this ‘alternative reality’ sounds unrealistic. According to the Bible everyone across time and space fail to live in perfectly harmonious relationships. Ultimately, we see how important relationships are to God when Jesus dies for humanity to restore our friendship with God. When our relationship with God the creator is fixed up, we can then start to see the best logic ever for looking after people around us. And it’s about responding properly. What do I mean? Well, let’s take an anology: when a friend gives you a well thought-out gift which is just amazing value, you don’t just take it and put in on the shelf and never look at it again, right? Same with the gift he offers us: peace & forgiveness from him as a very high personal cost to himself. A Christian’s worldview is rocked by Jesus as son of God dying and rising again so that we might live as friends with God and others. Jesus demonstrates the caliber of love that any Christian is to respond with to others around them. We aren’t to just take God’s gift of love and then continue to hate others and look after number 1. So having reached the point of acknowledging that there is a way better reality than porn, it raises the question: ‘how do we get there from where we are?’


Getting Practical: 
Where to Go From Here?


Each of us has a different background, and so the practical steps each of us can take will vary. Some of us never use porn and excel as loving people in the way Jesus did for us. While others of us may be kicking ourselves that we’re in such a mess. You may be feeling like it’s impossible to talk about it with someone else you trust because it’s just too disgusting, too dirty. But statistics tell us that porn is far from uncommon. Women and men, alike, globally have addictions to porn. As a guy, I’ll quickly suggest some steps that could help you move forward. 1. Ask God for help. He really does hear. Thank him for the forgiveness that he offers to you every single day, despite the sexual sins you’ve just committed. 2. Talk to a christian friend regularly(of the same gender) who won’t judge you but instead give you a hug and encourage you to keep working with God’s help to change. 3. Maybe use an internet filter if you think that will help. I recommend the 'X3watch' download. This is not a filter but it lets accountability friends know what dodgy sites you're visiting. http://x3watch.com/x3watch.html (select ‘X3 watch’ download and be accountable to 1 or 2 people). If you use Google a lot, use 'safe search'. 

For part 2 of my blog on porn, click here. This is for guys only. If you're a lady and want to read more from a Christian woman's perspective, click here. Guys, If you would like to discuss things anonymously, why not drop me a line at mr.bonchapeau@gmail.com?


Extras: Define Porn.


*What is porn, exactly? According to Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology, 'Many authorities have concluded that, because of the constantly shifting moral connotations of the concept of sexual obscenity, it is not possible to completely and objectively define the term pornography, and that, in the final analysis, pornography is in the eye of the beholder." Well noted. So I'm going to tentatively define 'porn' as any media (but particularly film, texts and images) which are viewed by an individual in an sexual, egotistical way. Thus, with this definition, porn is different from individual to individual. However, this doesn't take into account that 'porn' is produced by someone with different ideas in mind than the viewer. For example, the 2010 film Black Swan could be argued to be a great tasteful piece of artistic expression, while others would say it was pornographic. 

2 comments:

Sheid said...

Man, you're super brave for tackling this. thanks for your honesty - it's really something to think about.

Mrbonchapeau said...

@Sheid--thanks!

Hi peeps, just a few questions to raise discussion.

What sort of public action could Christians take against the growth of porn industry? (eg. write to local newsagency to discourage selling porn, etc.)

How might you apply a biblical view to sex the next time a uni friend/coworker makes a sex joke
or talks about a 'big night' they had?

How might the sexualised content in mainstream videos affect how Christians recommend movies to friends?

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