Love the Way You Lie

Before I really get going, I wanna say I've decided to take a turn in my blog for a bit, for better or worse. I'm going to be raising some hot topics such as porn,the burqa, lies and accountability . Hey! That's a great headline-- PORN, THE BURQA AND LIES--forget accountability though, that won't sell papers! Some of what I'm gonna be writing about will be for guys and some will be for everyone. By the way,if you are a Christian, please pray for me that I'll be wise about how I tackle these topics.

Gotta hand it to him Eminem is honest, ironically, in his recent duo with Rihanna 'Love the Way You Lie'. My favourite segment:

Next time//There will be no next time//I apologize//
Even though I know it's lies

Talking about the promises he's made and broken again and again in his relationship. I don't know how much of this song is self-reflection, but it sure struck a cord with me. I don’t know about you, but I took a while to think of the last time I 'lied'. Come to think of it, I'm a pretty honest person. Honest? As Eminem picks up in this song, lying is more than just words. It's about intentions, and what expectations I try to give people. Oh. Boy. Maybe I am a liar after all. If you haven't figured it out yet, here's the thing: we lie all the time when we want to get out of something, avoid offending someone or try to protect ourselves. I'm going to tell you of some of the ways I lie. Please stay my friends though! I promise, I'm not lying all the time! (or is that another one..? lols)

Thought to ponder/comment on:

How can a person be honest when people ask probing questions, yet it is not for them to know?


Mrbonchapeau said...

How do you actually say sorry for lies that our culture deems 'small'? What do people reckon?

For example, what if I lie about why I didn't answer the phone straight away?

Sheid said...

Hmmmm. Toughie, Mark. Because it gets mixed up in a bunch of other issues - what's accepted/ considered a lie, the motivation for lying, how perceptions shape the truth, ad nauseum.

A small lie is still a lie right? Even mechanically saying 'I'm fine' when someone asks and can be a lie.
It seems like honesty is the best long-term policy, to me (hard to apply. Lies seems so easy, short term. But then you have to remember them).
Like in the case you've given, you have a reason that seems justifable to you at the time. When you recognise it was less than righteous, you realise you made a bad decision and it hits you it was a lie. At this point, the reasons for not picking up the phone don't seem so good, right? So you think 'I should apologise'. And why not? Why should it be socially unacceptable to apologise? It shows you trust the person, value their good opinion and want to make a wrong right, all sorts of good stuff. Yeah, it costs you a bit to do it, but I don't see how apologising for a big lie is different to apologising for a small lie.
But it is, hey? It's so much easier to just brush over the small one, or hope they didn't notice, or just move on.
I know for me, I just forget to apologise for the small stuff. I get it all straight in my head and then, because having it all straight in my head makes me feel like I've already done it (hooray for cognitive behavioural therapy!!), I don't get around to it. Only the big stuff that has direct, obvious consequences gets a real apology. Either that, or I maintain whatever my justification was. OR I just forget about the whole thing and never consider it again.
Man. I totally need to work on this...

Is an omission still a lie? In the same, aforementioned case, if you don't give a reason why you didn't pick up the phone straight away, and they don't ask, is that still an issue of truthfulness? This situation looks like it can go one of two ways:
- the feeling that made you not want to pick up grows, and the whole phone call is coloured by that.
- you get over the feeling while talking to them, so it's no longer relevant that you didn't want to talk cause now you do.
Do you need to apologise in both cases? The first path, sure it seems pretty obvious, and in the second,it seems like you could thank them for helping you feel better and apologise by telling them how you were feeling before.

Enough comment, methinks. People will start thinking I'm verbose and opinionated. Neither of which would be strictly incorrect, so no one needs to apologise for thinking that. And I apologise for giving you reasons to think that. I hope we can be friends in the future.

Rebecca said...

Interesting, is an omission still a lie? To add a bit more mud to the mixture, heres a titbit from 1 Samuel 16:1-3 (NIV)

"The Lord said to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king."
But Samuel said, "How can I go? Saul will hear about it and kill me."
The Lord said, "Take a heifer with you and say, 'I have come to sacrifice to the Lord.' Invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what to do. You are to anoint the one I indicate."

What do you make of this? God tells Samuel to refrain from speaking the whole truth, to maintain his personal safety as he carries out the will of God. How does this apply to us?

Catherine Rogerson said...

Or situations where it would be appropriate to lie to protect someone e.g. telling the Nazi officers entering your house that you are not harbouring Jews (even though you are)? Is God a mechanical God, tallying up every little mistake you make and measuring it against the good you do? Or is he a universal God, looking for the greatest glory to his name in any situation?

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